Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Making America Good Again: The Joy of Sex

Can we talk?  I am so tired of the daily stream of news about Trump's vulgar language and sexual conquests. I'm equally over the rehashing of the rape allegations against Clinton and his extra-marital affairs.

For the media, or any of us, to feign outrage at these events while embracing the vile stuff that permeates our culture is the height of hypocrisy.

And it's not just in the media and entertainment.  It’s what we see and do every day. There are few, if any, men or women who have not at some point used or abused their sexuality to get what they wanted from someone else. We use sex as a weapon or as a reward. Admit it.  Our sexuality does not always bring out our better selves, does it? 

Sex is the most wonderful, pleasurable and powerful aspect of our humanity.  We can use it well to our joy and benefit, or abuse it to our despair and detriment.  We do a bit of both. 

In my lifetime (I'm 58) the boundaries that determined what is right and wrong in regard to sex have changed.  The rule these days simply seems to be this:  as long as sex is between consenting adults, the rest of us ought to mind our own business.  

So what has 60 years of consenting adults gotten us?

We need to take an honest look at our country's problems and admit that many of them have a direct correlation to our 'anything goes' sex lives.  Because we live in a world where consent is all that matters, we've lost sight of the consequences. 

We tolerate those who abuse their power and fame for sex, be they politicians, CEOS, athletes or celebrities.

What we used to call pornography is now main stream entertainment.  This forces us to offer sex education in schools earlier and earlier, robbing children of the innocence of childhood.  Date rape is commonplace as teenagers and young adults work out what sexual boundaries are in real life. 

Work places are fraught with “he said/she said.”  Sexual tension interferes with job advancement and workplace productivity. 

Divorce is just another means of changing partners.  Why marry when you can live together and avoid the hassle. Sexually transmitted diseases and free birth control tax our healthcare system. 

The most devastating consequence of our new sexual morality is its impact on children.  "Consenting adults" have unwanted children who are often abused, neglected or put into foster care.  The murder of unwanted, but yet unborn, children is celebrated as an acceptable means of birth control.  Welfare rolls increase.

A brief word to the Christians who say that many of America's problems are because we've legalized same-sex marriage:  our problems aren't because a gay couple wants to make a commitment to each other and raise children.  Our problems are because an increasing number of people - straight and gay - move from partner to partner and fail to be accountable for the consequences of their sex lives. 

What's the solution?  We need to take a long, hard look at how we define sexual morality. 

Consent is still important.  Sex is the most intimate of actions and should only be entered into willingly.  But sexual morality is about more than simply saying "yes" or "no” whenever the opportunity comes along. 

Sexual morality should also embrace the importance of long-term, loving relationships to our sexual health and well-being.  We won't be perfect at it, but this should be the goal. 

A couple, committed to each other, is less likely to be on welfare, less likely to avail themselves of abortion or have unwanted children, less likely to have an STD and less likely to divorce.

A couple, committed to each other, is less likely to sexually abuse each other, their (or other people's) children or view pornography. 

A couple, committed to each other, is less likely to tolerate the immoral behavior of the famous and powerful.

But, you say, ‘That’s no fun!  What a prude you are!"  

"You might want to think so,” I reply.  "But part of the lie that the "consent" folks have foisted on us is that sexual pleasure doesn't happen in long-term, committed relationships like marriage....but it can and it does."

A couple, committed to each other, finds more joy and satisfaction in their sex lives than they would with multiple, casual partners.  

I wish married couples would hold hands, kiss and hug in public so their children and society would get the hint that good sex happens at home. It doesn't only occur with perfect strangers or during steamy affairs as TV, movies and music would like us to believe.  A little shame and guilt for those breaking the commitment boundary wouldn't be a bad thing either. 

To make America good again, let's promote the joy of sex within long-term, loving relationships.  Sexual morality should not be defined merely by consent; it must be grounded in commitment.  Perhaps chastity and marriage can be a new trend?

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